Hello Everyone.
I am back!
Sorry for the missing person, but I have had a long and hard 2011. But to help me out I am starting to blog again about my wonderful life, my awesome son and the struggles I am having with my TBI and my addiction. So to get started Life has been extremely difficult, I have lied and mislead people I love and trust. I want to apologize for this. I have continued to struggle with my depression and I have been trying to self medicate it with drinking, bar-tending and gambling. So far that hasn't worked, so I am going back to basics. I am starting my workout regiment on Monday! I am getting back to eating healthier and not drinking. Hopefully this will give me the proper state of mind so when my depression hits I don't run and try to medicate it but stand tall and fight it!!!! It has been a long hard fight and i have to say I have lost! But I am picking myself back up and ready to take on these challenges.
Now on to my pride and joy, Ryder Oliver Niemeyer. He is now 4 years old and I love him with all my heart. I really believe he is here to help me learn and discover the man that I am supposed to be. I get this thought that I am hear to teach him, which I am to some degree, but I have come to really find out that he is the teacher and I am the student. Everything that I am teaching him I have found out that I still need to be taught. This is hard to say but I am really an old dog being taught new tricks. Not that they haven't been taught to me, just that I wasn't able to be taught at that time! So I apologize to all my family and friends that I have hurt or lied too. Ryder and myself have been talking about promises and that keeping promises are very important. I want my son to know that I love him with all my heart and I don't want him to feel that he needs to be dishonest or to misguide me. All I want is for him to be honest and open to me. Funny thing is he is 4 and that is all he knows how to be, So I looked at this and found out that I needed to be taught this(ouch that hurt) Sorry mom, dad, sister and brother. I have not been the most honest and open to you and I want you to know I am trying to change and I PROMISE to be more honest with you. I love you all and I want you to know I am OK just trying to figure out who and what I am!!! So until I write again.
Thanks for the Love,
Single Average Dad
"The day my son was born, I simultaneously died and was reborn. Every day before that day, my life had been about me and what I wanted the world to give me. Every day since, my life necessarily has been about what I can give to someone else. And that, I think, is why the world needs more children - and more parents." ~~ Kevin, Attorney from Richmond VA
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